Whether we’re operating in the workplace or dealing with a spouse, family members or friends, we all inevitably invest much of our day communicating with others. According to Nancy Ansheles, M.Ed. and owner of Catalyst & Co., communication is at the very heart of getting work done on time, developing relationships, resolving disagreements and conflict, and promoting goals and vision. No matter our level of proficiency, communication is one skill we can all afford to improve.

Ansheles spoke at the recent Sailing Industry Conference and her packed session received rave reviews from attendees. Waypoints invited Ansheles to share and further expound upon the keys for success in enhancing communication skills.

As a brief backgrounder, Ansheles has served as a trainer and facilitator for more than 20 years, with an impressive roster of regional, national and international clients, including Maine Built Boats, LL Bean and the Maine Science & Technology Foundation., among others. Her interactive workshops and coaching sessions cover a broad range of workplace-related topics. She holds a Masters in Corporate Education from Boston University; a B.S. in Communication from James Madison University; and has a Certificate in Training Design and Delivery from Bryant College. In addition, Nancy is a qualified instructor for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. For more information, visit www.nkacatalyst.com

Waypoints: Let’s start with the basics. How do you differentiate between “regular” communication and “workplace” communication?

Ansheles: As the youngest of seven children, growing up outside of Washington, D.C., I learned a lot of my “regular” communication skills from my parents, older siblings, and my community. Tracking and joining multiple conversations in a busy household was the norm. Talking fast and sometimes loud was a necessity to get the potatoes at dinner. Like most people, I carry a lot of those learned communication skills with me today. They come easily and are acceptable at family get-togethers. However, at times, in school and eventually the workplace, those finely honed skills have landed me into trouble. I’ve been told my laugh can be heard across the room (not good when the principal or the CEO is in the same room!), and that sometimes I confuse people with my quick pace.

I imagine I’m not alone. Most of us learn our “regular” communication skills informally early in our lives and hence become very comfortable in our pattern. How we communicate becomes habit and for many, becomes part of our unique identity. Sometimes I hear resistance from workshop participants about changing their “regular” communication skills when applied to the “workplace” because they fear doing so would change who they are. I understand this concern, but I’d invite you, as I do my workshop or seminar participants, to consider this shift from “regular” to “workplace” communications in another way.

First, improving your workplace communication skills doesn’t mean changing everything you say. It would be really hard to do, and would be viewed as unbelievable and inauthentic.

Second, improving your workplace communication skills is more about adjusting your own communication style in order to maximize the chances to be heard and understood … and to better hear and understand the many perspectives of others in your organization. This adjustment or tweaking of your communication styles can benefit you, your employees or coworkers, your clients, and ultimately your business. In essence, workplace communication is about developing communication skills that work best in the professional arena.

Waypoints: Could you provide some examples to clarify this distinction?

Ansheles: An example I like to use involves clothing. I am a sweat pants kind of woman; after all, I live in the north and it’s cold! I’m very comfortable in my sweat pants, holed knees and all. But, would I wear them to work? No. While I am less comfortable in a pair of slacks or skirt, I realize that such attire is more appropriate for the workplace. People form first impressions quickly, and I hope by wearing professional clothing, I increase the chances that I’m viewed as a knowledgeable consultant. I’m not being insincere at all by wearing these clothes; I’m still “me.” However, I’m probably much more likely to be heard and respected if my audience can relate to me in similar clothing.

Another example includes learning a few words and phrases when I travel to other countries. I’m sure the French know I’m not French, yet they appreciate my attempts at conversing. Sometimes they even understand that yes, I’d like as many different cheeses as they can fit on my plate!

Finally, the sailing industry, like other industries such as healthcare, banking, and insurance, has its own language: port, starboard, bow, stern, keel, mast, spinnaker and more. These words make sense to those in the industry, but outsiders might need an explanation. The key is to talk in the language of your audience to make the connection and ultimately reap the benefits.

Waypoints: So what are the benefits to improved communication? And, why do you believe “workplace” communication is so important?

Ansheles: Effective communication is critical to our success and satisfaction. My personal experience, coupled with testimonials from thousands of my clients in organizations across the country, and a lot of research, all attest to the fact that communication matters.

Poor communication can cause errors and accidents. It wastes time and money. It can ruin relationships. It affects turnover, absenteeism, employee development, retention and loyalty. People have been fired for poor communication with co-workers, clients or even their own boss.

On the other hand, effective communication can provide individual benefits such as improved confidence, less stress and job promotion. One study concluded it improved others’ perception of your intelligence. Your effective communication with others at work can resolve problems, spark creativity, increase sales, and build long-term customers. Leaders’ communication can help clarify expectations, rally employees, and ignite enthusiasm in tough times.

Organizations spend thousands of dollars on technology, and yet they often fail to consider the important investment they should be making in communication. Just judging the sheer volume of what you do everyday, workplace communication should be a priority!

For example, try for a minute to not communicate. You can’t! Even silence says something like, “I’m bored,” or “I’m listening,” or “I’m thinking of sailing on Casco Bay.” So communication happens whether intentional or not. Our words, tone, facial expressions, behaviors, clothing, and environment communicate messages to other people. We are always communicating!

When the message sent is the one received, we have good communication. When our impact is different than intended, we falter and often get into trouble.

Waypoints: How do you recommend individuals objectively analyze their communication strengths and weaknesses?

Ansheles: I encourage individuals to start from wherever they are. Take an honest look at your strengths and identify areas to improve. Note, I don’t say “weaknesses.”

Write a list of your strengths and areas to improve so you can see them. Keep the list visible so you can refer to and reflect upon it over time. Ask yourself why you included what’s on your list. Are these skills/characteristics important to you? Do you see them in others? Have you gotten feedback from others about items on this list?

If you haven’t gotten feedback from others, I encourage you to seek it out! Consider a trusted colleague, a boss or even a client. When you ask others for their critique, gently push for specific behaviors that you do, that result in a positive impact. When asking for areas for improvement, drill down to determine the specific behavior, word, phrase, facial expression habit, etc. and ask directly why it’s perceived as needing improvement.

For example, hearing, “You’re rude,” isn’t as helpful as hearing, “When you finish my sentences, it makes me think you aren’t listening to me and that you know better than me what I want to say.” The latter gives you something very tangible to work on.

You could also consider taking a public course on communication that offers some assessment or feedback from the instructor or classmates, or asking your company to offer a seminar to everyone. You could also take the DISC or Myers Briggs Type Indicator which would also provide additional insight.

And once you’ve received feedback, here’s a suggestion. Just say, “Thank you.” You don’t have to defend, apologize or clarify. You don’t even have to change the behavior cited. A great analogy I heard was if one person says you have a tail, you can ignore what he or she says, but if five people say you have a tail, then you better look back! I think that’s true with communication skills assessments. Unless of course, the one person giving you the feedback is your spouse or boss because then you definitely want and need to pay attention!

Waypoints: Once you understand the area for improvement, how does an individual go about improving his or her communications style and effectiveness?

Ansheles: First be genuinely open to hearing feedback (see above response) and be clear on what you want to improve. Start where you have the most energy and interest because that will increase your focus and your chances of success. Habits can be hard to change!

Start with a specific behavior you might want to improve. Then consider how you learn best. People learn in different ways: some by reading, or listening, or doing. Do you enjoy workshops (online or face-to-face)? Would you benefit by individual sessions with a communications coach? Could you form a learning group with your peers? Do you want to read articles, blogs, or books on communication? Consider also that you might learn best on the job. Another tip: listen for positive feedback on your communication skills. That can be a real motivator to continue certain behaviors!

You might also learn by your mistakes. Keep a journal if you learn by writing. Talk to others if this helps you retain learning this way. Again, look at specific behaviors and impact. For example, you might have received feedback that you aren’t a good listener. You further learned that you don’t look at people when they are talking. You might read a book, or take a workshop on listening. Then you might focus the next month on increasing your eye contact when you are at meetings. You might set a time challenge, such as determining to look at three different people in your next meeting while they are talking, for three to five seconds each. And then assess how well you did, set new goals, and continue.

Learning doesn’t have to be boring! The more relevant and engaging for you personally, the more likely you will continue.

Waypoints: What are the typical outcomes and negative impacts associated with those who lack effective communication skills, particularly those in leadership positions?

Ansheles: Here’s an example of a negative experience. A manager said he had a problem with an employee about dress code. He explained six months previously, his employee wore jeans to work which broke the dress code. The boss thought he’d ignore the issue and it would go away. Well, as you might guess, six months later the employee was still wearing jeans. The manager asked me what to do.

Through questions and reflection, we considered the situation from the employee’s perspective. The employee wears jeans to work one day and no one says anything. He assumes it is acceptable. He starts a habit of wearing jeans. He gets comfortable wearing his jeans in the workplace, and goes out and buys another pair. Now, however, the boss needs to have a talk with him, and it’s going to be a much harder conversation today than it would have been six months ago. The employee has established a habit, made a financial investment, and may likely harbor resentment that the issue wasn’t addressed sooner. Lack of communication does have its consequences.

Waypoints: How about the value of a leader’s effective communication skills?

Ansheles: To review some amazing data on this topic, I suggest reading First, Break All the Rules: What’s the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman The authors, both management consultants for the Gallup Organization, use the company's long-term study of thousands of employees to identify how to attract, retain, and motivate talented employees. So much of what they found focuses on the role of the manager/leader in communicating clear expectations, encouraging development, and talking to employees about progress. This type of ongoing communication has proven a more important motivator than money.

Sometimes leaders of organizations can be promoted for their vision or technical expertise. While these are great skills for a leader, without strong communication skills to inspire others, the organization can be stymied. In fact, the Institute for Corporate Productivity cited “vision” as the #1 competency for leaders and “communication” as the #2 competency.

We’ve all listened to smart leaders who bored or confused us with technical jargon. I encourage leaders to pay attention as much to their communication skills (both formal presentations and one-on-one conversations) as their vision and technical skills. I’ve helped leaders improve their presentation skills to deliver dynamic and engaging presentations that inspire and motivate their staff. They can also improve their facilitative leadership style to draw out the experience and knowledge of their staff and help them contribute. Leaders can learn the value of recognition and how to give positive feedback. And they can learn how to give accurate, helpful feedback for improvement in difficult times.

Waypoints: What are the four foundational needs you identified and addressed in your presentation at the Sailing Industry Conference … and why is each so important to understand?

Ansheles: I shared a model of effective communication that includes balancing “task” vs. “human” needs. We discussed that in most interactions with others, there usually is a task involved, such as, “Honey, take out the trash,” or “Hoist the sail,” or “Send that invoice.” Tasks are important. They are usually what we get paid to accomplish in the workplace. However, what’s equally important and where we can add value is meeting the human needs of another.

The four human needs include the following:

• The need to feel welcome or feel a sense of belonging
• The need to feel physically comfortable or psychologically comfortable (not stupid or embarrassed)
• The need to feel understood
• The need to feel important or valuable

In our session at the Sailing Industry Conference, we brainstormed specific behaviors you can implement to meet these needs, as well as what will cause you to fail, and the consequences of such. I’ve seen more conversations break down, more problems left unresolved and tasks not completed because someone failed to meet the human needs. Sometimes merely greeting someone in the morning (welcome), asking if they need some coffee or water (physical comfort), using language they understand (psychological comfort), checking for clarification, (understood), and using their name (important) can make a huge difference in getting the work done!

Waypoints: How does the ability to LISTEN impact communication success? Tips for improving listening skills?

Ansheles: About 12 years ago I’m having breakfast with my husband and he asked where I was going that day. “I’m going to work with a team on developing their listening skills,” I said enthusiastically. He quickly mumbled, “You have no credibility to do that.” Shocked, as usually he is a very supportive spouse, I said, “What???” He replied, “You’ve been working on me for 16 years and I still don’t listen.” While it was funny at the time, if you do the math, it’s now going on 28 years, but I haven’t given up and I still believe listening skills are critically important.

People sometimes assume that effective communication is simply about speaking clearly or getting your message across. I submit that effective communication begins with effective listening. Listening is essential for understanding a client’s need or a boss’s expectation. We often want to do business with an organization or person who really listens or ‘gets us.’ We want to be around people who remember us and understand our needs. Listening is a skill most of us are not taught. In today’s highly saturated environment, it can be really difficult with so many influences competing for our attention.

Barriers to listening can be internal, such as we’re thinking, or if we’re worried. We sometimes are focused on what we’re going to say next. We may not be interested in the subject. Barriers in the environment could include any gadget we have on or near us that beeps, rings or flashes. It may be the speaker’s delivery such as talking too fast or too slow, or hearing multiple conversations over the office cubes.

A few tips to improve your listening skills? Focus your mind and eyes on the speaker. Take notes. Turn off other electronics. Paraphrase and ask questions to help you understand before replying. And always confirm before you leave the conversation to increase the chances that you and the other person are on the same page; or at least on the same book!

Waypoints: How much does an individual's body language and tone of voice influence communication?

Ansheles: Just sit down on a bench somewhere in a crowded place and look at people. How much can you tell about their conversations just from their faces, hand gestures, postures? A LOT!

UCLA’s Dr. Albert Marabian said that when there is confusion in communication, 55% of the real message comes from body language; 38% from tone; and a mere 7% from words. Of course, the interpretation of body language and tone varies with cultures and situations so we can misinterpret it, but no doubt it is an important part of communication.

Understand that if you say, “I’m not mad” with a red face and raised tone of voice, the other person not only knows you are mad, but also believes you are lying … not effective communication!

Waypoints: How can you effectively address concerns or issues with fellow teammates or employees utilizing proven communication strategies?

Ansheles: Go first. Don’t wait and stew about why someone hasn’t come to you. Learn good communication skills and practice them. Remember to meet the basic needs in any conversation. It’s okay to bring up tough issues, just do it in a way that helps the person feel welcome, comfortable, understood and important.

A few additional suggestions. Bring up an issue as soon as possible after an incident if you and the other person are calm, and after you’ve had sufficient time to determine whether you can drop the issue or if you need to address it. Then go directly to the person (source), not to others. Start off and remain curious. Listen first, then ask for and try to understand (not argue with their perspective). Give your perspective. Look for the connection, not the difference. Try to stay adult-to-adult in your conversation vs. assuming a child-to-parent or parent-to-child approach.

The other suggestion I have involves email. Avoid using email if you are addressing any type of difficult conversation. I really mean it! There’s just too much chance of misinterpretation. If you are emailing a co-worker and thinking it might be misinterpreted, or you’re on the receiving end and reading an email and having trouble understanding what the person is saying, or if you begin to feel the first tinge of resentment, anger or frustration, then immediately change the method of communication! Pick up the phone. Go see the person. As we know, words can be misinterpreted, assumptions made, feelings hurt, grudges born, all resulting in relationships and deals that can sour permanently.

One of my favorite resources for handling these types of discussions is the book, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen. This is a practical, readable resource by a team from the Harvard Negotiation Project. Great resource!

Waypoints: Terrific advice, Nancy! Anything else you'd like to add?

Ansheles: How we communicate is fascinating to me. It’s so complex and different, and yet at times, seems so simple. I think if we consider all the potential for miscommunication (and there is a lot) and work to improve and use our best communication skills in every discussion, we can reduce our problems, increase our relationships, and be more successful at work. Increasing our awareness and then improving our skills can be the catalyst for building long-term relationships with employees, solving workplace problems, increasing our confidence and satisfaction, and creating opportunities for new business. It’s a lifetime job. And in this day in age, it really can be a life preserver.

Wanda Kenton Smith is editor of Waypoints, president of Marine Marketers of America, national marketing columnist for Soundings Trade Only since 1997, and owner/president of Kenton Smith Marketing, www.kentonsmithmarketing.com For more information or to comment on this story, e-mail wanda@kentonsmithmarketing.com